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Me and my
Aortic Valve!

DOMINATOR'S BRITS 99 AWARDS ROUNDUP

The initial bit...

In the awards listed below, the winner is in BOLD type, with the runners up listed afterwards.

The stars are for my choices from those nominated. Previous Brits round-ups :

Brits 99 Award Results :

    Best British Group :

  • MANIC STREET PREACHERS
  • Beautiful South, Gomez, Catatonia *, Massive Attack
    - Award was presented by Norman Wisd..er sorry, Lee Evans and Kylie Minogue.

    Best Male Solo Artist :

  • ROBBIE WILLIAMS
  • Lynden David Hall, Bernard Butler, Ian Brown, Fatboy Slim *
    - Award was presented by Ian Dury and Jools Holland.

    Best Female Solo Artist :

  • DES'REE
  • Billie Myers, Hinda Hicks, PJ Harvey *, Billie
    - Award was presented by Meera Syal and another idiot from "Goodness Gracious Me".

    Best Single :

  • ROBBIE WILLIAMS - ANGELS (from 1997! What a swiz!)
  • Fatboy Slim - Rockerfella Skank
  • Massive Attack - Teardrop
  • George Michael - Outside
  • Beautiful South - Perfect 10
  • Catatonia - Road Rage *
  • Des'ree - Life
  • Manic Street Preachers - If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next
  • Robbie Williams - Millennium
  • Cornershop - Brimful of Asha
    - Award was presented by Sheryl "dragged through a hedge backwards" Crow and Meat Loaf.

    Best British Album :

  • MANIC STREET PREACHERS - THIS IS MY TRUTH, TELL ME YOURS
  • Catatonia - International Velvet *
  • Gomez - Bring It On
  • Massive Attack - Mezzanine
  • Robbie Williams - I've Been Expecting You
    - Award was presented by Mariella Frostrup's flabby arms and Prince Naseem Hamed.

    Best Video :

  • ROBBIE WILLIAMS - MILLENNIUM (and I can't stand it!)
  • Jamiroquai - Deeper Underground
  • Robbie Williams - Let Me Entertain You
  • Placebo - Pure Morning
  • All Saints - Under The Bridge
  • Radiohead - No Surprises *
  • Massive Attack - Teardrop
  • Mel B - I Want You Back
  • Cornershop - Brimful of Asha
  • George Michael - Outside
    - Award was presented by Helen Baxendale (Friends, Cold Feet, Cardiac Arrest) and John Thompson (The Fast Show, Cold Feet, Men Behaving Badly)

    Best British, Dance Act :

  • FATBOY SLIM
  • All Saints, Faithless, Jamiroquai *, Massive Attack
    - Award was presented by Boy George and Sharleen Spiteri (Texas)

    Best International Group :

  • THE CORRS
  • Air, Beastie Boys, Fun Lovin' Criminals, R.E.M. *
    (I'd have given the * to The Corrs if they hadn't sold out musically)
    - Award was presented by Bjorn (Abba)

    Best International Male Solo Artist :

  • BECK
  • Eagle Eye Cherry, Pras, Neil Finn *, Will Smith
    - Award was presented by Ladysmith Black Mambazo and a tin of beans

    Best International Female Solo Artist :

  • NATALIE IMBRUGLIA
  • Sheryl Crow, Lauryn Hill, Madonna *, Alanis Morissette
    - Award was presented by Ian Wright and Miss World 1998.

    Best International Newcomer :

  • NATALIE IMBRUGLIA
  • B*witched, Air *, Eagle Eye Cherry, Savage Garden
    - Award was presented by All Saints

    Best Film Soundtrack or Cast Recording :

  • TITANIC
  • Jackie Brown *, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, The Wedding Singer, Boogie Nights
    - Award was presented by Mark "Complete Wanker" Morrison, and the fact that he's changed his name to Abdul Rahman gives you even more reasons not to shop for Morrison's 'music'.

    Radio 1 Best Newcomer Award :

  • BELLE AND SEBASTIAN
  • 5ive, Gomez *, Another Level, Billie, Cornershop, Propellerheads, Cleopatra, Hinda Hicks, Steps
    - Award presented by Zoe Ball and Huey (Fun Lovin' Criminals)

    Best Producer :

  • YOUTH : For Verve
  • Godrich: For Radiohead * , Howlett, Size: for Reprazent, Street

    1999 Freddie Mercury Award :

  • Jubilee 2000 Coalition (dropping Third World debt)
    - Award presented by Johnny Ball, collected by Bono and given to Muhammad Ali who was there but also wasn't there.

    Award for Outstanding Contribution :

  • EURYTHMICS
    - Award presented by Stevie Wonder.

    High-point of the evening :

  • The collaboration between David Bowie and Placebo singing "Twentieth Century Boy".

    High AND low-point of the evening :

  • Bono putting forward the fact that the Millennium celebrations are "bollocks" (ie. a complete waste of time and money), but losing points for getting political (again)

    Low-point of the evening :

  • The fact that Johnny Vaughn was hosting.

    Second-most low-point of the evening :

  • Boyzone's god-awful cover of When The Going Gets Tough (Billy Ocean's No.1 in 1986)

    Third-most low-point of the evening :

  • Robbie Williams' speech accepting Best Video award by shouting "All Hail Muff Sandwich". Oh Robbie, what a card you aren't.

    Fourth-most low-point of the evening :

  • Robbie Williams' "speech" accepting Best Video award by ripping off FatBoy Slim's "Speechless" note. Robbie responded with "Legless". Ha ha bonk! Whoops I laughed so much my head fell off (!)

    Fifth-most low-point of the evening :

  • Every guest enthusing about Lauryn sodding Hill.

    [Up to the top of this page]

    DVDs reviewed by the editor are watched on a Panasonic TXW32R4 32" widescreen TV connected to either a Creative Dxr2 DVD-ROM player or Microsoft Xbox and played through a Sony STR-DB930 amplifier.

    PC games reviewed by the editor are on:

  • Since Nov 2005: Intel Pentium D 830 3.0Ghz, 1Gb RAM, 128Mb nVidia GeForce 6700XL, Windows XP
  • Since Aug 2003: Intel Pentium 4 2.66Ghz, 512Mb RAM, 128Mb GeForce4 MX440 graphics, Windows XP
  • Since May 2003: Intel Pentium 4 2.6Ghz, 512Mb RAM, 128Mb ATI Radeon 9600TX graphics, Windows XP
  • Since Jun 2002: Intel Pentium III 600Mhz, 384Mb RAM, Windows 98 SE, 64Mb ATI Radeon 8500LE
  • Since May 2000: Intel Pentium III 600Mhz, 384Mb RAM, Windows 98 SE, Voodoo 3 3000 AGP